(Reminder: all the egg names and descriptions can be found here. All egg emits for this egg touching were written by Lanti.)

( Egg Touching #3 )

(Reminder: all the egg names and descriptions can be found here.)

( Egg Touching #2 )

20^th day of summer, 13^th Turn, 10^th Interval

The Weyr feels so empty. I know that's a good thing. It means there's lots of participation at the Games. But still... it's like one more confirmation of the feeling I'm a part of the Weyr, and yet apart from it, too, belonging on some levels, sharing common bonds, similar goals and cares, and yet still so separate.

We have such different responsibilities and perspectives, concerns normal riders would never need to consider. We carry stigmas and battle presumptions, we put up with two-faced idiots while forced to be two-faced ourselves. Eventually it almost feels normal to live like that, as if anything genuine is just another ploy. Every action has a motive. Every word hides a dagger.

Maybe it's not a good reason, but I've been thinking more and more lately about having a child. The time is (or will eventually be) right, since I'm sort of already grounded from between. Or as good as. It's stupid, maybe, but I want something that truly belongs with me, and I with it. Dedanseth, much as I love her, can only offer that in part.

So many new weyrlings over the Turns have said their lifemate completes them. I remember that feeling, and in many aspects it's still true, but the blinding euphoria wore off. I long for a lover, partner, friends, a family of my own. Dedanseth cannot be all those things, therefore she completes me only in part, as I only complete her in part.

It smacks of flawed logic. Maybe I'm just searching for an excuse. I've been told by riders and non-riders alike that she should be enough, and while I've tried to shield this from her, it's leaked through. She's not hurt exactly, but she doesn't understand what it is I'm missing. It is beyond frustrating trying to explain the emotional side of human procreation to a dragon, however well-meaning and open-minded she might be.

What it comes down to is that despite Dedanseth, despite my Weyr, despite my responsibilities and daily interactions, I feel utterly alone and emotionally overlooked on a daily basis. And it's been like that for Turns.



Who am I kidding? A child is not a bandage. Make that flawed logic and desperation.